Because I can ....and I'm slowly coming to that conclusion!

Have you ever done something, in the middle of the night, that by the light of day you regret?
Such is the case with the last story I wrote.
I thought about taking it down. I thought about just deleting part of it.
...Somehow, that seems like cheating. Once a post, always a post. Right?
If you have the guts, in the middle of the night, to post silly little stories about yourself when you were 5 then you have to live with the consequences.
For me that consequence is being judged.

I've always lived my life, trying to please others.
Trying to do what I thought everyone else thought I should do. What would make them happy.

I've read that post 5 times. Hunting for the mistakes. Cringing at the grammatical errors. Re-writing sentences time and again, in my head.

I've come to the conclusion that I WILL NOT change it, even though I grimace when I look at it.
Even though I know it's a silly little story with a poor ending. It will be the wart at the end of my nose.

This time I'm gonna do what I want. This time, even though I would love to take it down, I'm going to leave it up for you to judge. Please feel free to post. I welcome the input and look forward to criticism.

Then, depending on my mood, I may just thumb my nose at you and go about my business happy in the thought that I left it here BECAUSE I WANTED TO!!!

Forbidden Fruit

It's late and I'm not tired.
Unfortunately, I can' think of a thing to write about.
I could write about the usual....my friends (whom I spent a lovely evening with), my son (who also spent a lovely evening with me), running (it's good for me to stay FOCUSED on it...not so good for you to read about EVERY DAY).
I could b.s about inconsequential things that have happened in my day (really, I promised that this blog would be about inconsequential things so I should blog about that. Just for spite).....(Have I told you that I really DO amuse myself!!!)
Instead, I'm going to give you a key.
The key to me....or one of them, anyways.
(I'm going to tread lightly here. People are actually starting to read this thing. -I KNOW! Can you BELIEVE IT!? And baring my soul to the world is difficult, especially when the world has a face.)
Tonight I'm, going to tell a story about the one man in my life who NEVER let me down.
My Grandfather. Grampa to be exact.
Sometimes you meet a person and things just ARE. You CLICK. You share a bond, unexplained by common ideas or general perception.
That's how my relationship with my Grandfather was.
Grampa wasn't even related by blood. He was actually my ...step grandfather?
..........................................................................................................................................................................

Can't do it. Not tonight. It makes me sad to think of all the time I wasted with him and now he's gone.
So, to quote myself (because I find me fascinating), I'm going to pull me up by the boot straps (really I didn't fall. I just don't want to be sad tonight)and write about something else. (But I'm not going to erase Grampa)
..........................................................................................................................................................................

So, the following is a true story.


......The little girl stood looking forlornly at the hill in front of her.
The pigtails hung from her head desperately needing a brush. The dirt on her knees fresh from a recent adventure.
She knew that she must never climb the hill. Most definitely should never cross that chain link fence. And absolutely, should NEVER take that lime from that little tree, growing in the neighbors yard.
But there was nobody around. And they had told her not to play by the pool.
There were very few options left.
She went back down the side of the house to peak around the corner.
Good, nobody there!
Turning quietly, she nimbly tiptoed back to the side of that ever so steep, hill.
First one foot and then the next broke through the invisible border that meant there was no going back.
Down on her hands and knee snow, she climbed. Higher. Higher. The hill so steep, she slid back down with each step forward.
She would have to work harder, go faster, to make it to the top.
Sand and rocks tumbled to the bottom every time she broke new ground. She worried that someone would hear her. Would know what she was attempting by the rattling of the rocks hitting cement.
More than half way up, she stops.
Clinging to the side of the hill she stills her breath. Calms herself enough to listen for the telltale signs of adults coming to scold.
Satisfied after a few moments, she moves on.
It's close now. The top of the hill.
A few more nicks to her hands and knees and she's there. Kneeling at the bottom of the chain link fence.
Staring through it to the forbidden fruit on the other side.
She knew she should turn around. Knew that if she continued she would be breaking an unspoken law. A law written by the adults who tried to control her.
She linked her fingers in the fence. Hitched one dirty little shoe up and jammed it, hard, into that same fence.
Pulling herself up, up ....and almost over. She clings now to the top of the fence. Metal biting into her skin.
Throwing her leg over and pushing off at the same time, she falls to the ground, catching her shirt as she goes.
Slowly, she turns around.
There, gleaming in the sun, hangs the lime. Only a few feet away now.
As she crosses the newly cut grass to the lime, she wonders. She thinks about the lime and all it has to offer. All it symbolizes.
Now standing beneath the little tree she lifts a pudgy hand to touch it. Is it ready? It's so smooth and bumpy, at the same time.
Quickly, she makes up her mind.
She plucks the lime from the tree and turns, running back to the fence. She knows that someone from that house is on his way out to yell at her. Demand she give the lime back.
Scrambling now, without caution, she races back over the fence. Falling to the ground, she slides on her backside, down the hill.
She's not looking back. Not yet.
Rocks and dirt, again, tumble to the cement beneath. Racing her. Pushing her to keep up.
There now. Finally.
Turning around she does a crablike shuffle to the side of her own home. And there she huddles, quietly for a few moments; catching her breath.
She's amazed that no one is chasing her. She's amazed that she's made it this far. She's amazed that she now holds a bright, shiny new lime in her grimy hand!
She puts the lime in her mouth to break the thin skin. Hmmm, a little tart. But that's just the skin.
She sinks her fingernails into the puncture and pries the skin from the lime. One sliver at a time, shredding it to pieces. Dropping them, uncaring, to the ground.
Finally, the peal is off! She tears it apart, like she's done hundreds of times with the oranges her mother has given her.
She finds one piece, just right.
She lifts it to her lips and shoves the whole piece into her greedy little mouth.
She bites down, releasing the juice.
What's THIS? Ewww, she cringes!
It's awful. So tart!
She spits it to the ground and throws the remaining lime at the hill; where it bounces and rolls back down to rest at her feet.
A little girl's dreams, shattered.





HA HA! That's all folks! That's, more or less, what I wrote for an assignment in the 6th grade. I think it was better then. I got an A+ for it. But then, standards were low, it was the 6th grade.
Then again, the teacher was Ms. Switalski, she didn't just give grades away. Even to her favorites! (yep, I was a little bit of a brown noser. But she WAS A COOL TEACHER!!)

Anyways, next time I'll write about something interesting. And not this silly trip down memory lane!

Smile, Darn It!

Well, it's been a few days since I've posted here. Mostly I'm just tired of talking about the homeowner's meeting. So I'm just gonna say.....We (the board)took a beating. It wasn't pretty...but it wasn't bloody either.

Funny thing happened. Sorta.
Maybe ya'll can tell. Maybe not. But I'm not into public recognition. I don't like a whole room of people LOOKING AT ME! (just stop looking at me...:)
I even went as far as to ask the president of the association to remove my name from the slides for the website I set up and the social board I assembled. (apparently I don't mind blowing my own horn, here...but then YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT ME)
He did. -Remove my name, I mean. Thank goodness! Like I said....can't handle the pressure.
So imagine my surprise when out of left field, in the middle of the meeting, he throws my name around like some (very light) sack o' potatoes!!!!
Was this a cruel joke? A diversion? Was this the plan all along??
NO! It coudn't be!!!!!! My friend would never throw me under the bus and *gasp* compliment me in PUBLIC!!!!
OF COURSE, this led to a VERY noticable blush and tight pursing of my lips (meant to be a smile but falling oh, so short....but they were ALL LOOKING AT ME!!!)

How could he? How dare he? Who does he think he is???

-Learn to take a compliment, Amanda!!!! Chill OUT!
Next time I'm going to smile my normal, eyes lighting up my whole face, teeth sparkling, cheeks crinkling, unadulterated SMILE!
I'm gonna do it! You watch! ;)

Facing your Fears

Tonight, I will am attending my neighborhood's Annual Homeowner's Meeting. This is the first meeting I will be attending as an official "Board Member".
As the most vocal board member, I expect trouble. Needless to say, I am NOT looking forward to it!
I have a lot of Big Ideas. Most people aren't ready for big ideas...or the changes they bring.
Not to mention the fact that I Just think things should be a certain Way!!! For the betterment of the community, right?

I am responsible for several new proposed By-laws that will really piss off some people. Especially those surrounding me. I guess I'm not there to make friends but instead to voice my opinions and uphold a community standard, right? Given that the community agrees with my idea of a standard.

At any rate, tonight I will go before the neighbors and be judged publicly, openly and VERY verbally. Not to mention the fact that my husband will NOT BE ATTENDING!

Now I'm having second thoughts.

Stay tuned, updates will follow.....

Landon saves the day!

I'm sitting here, contemplating my day, wondering what to "blog" about. (I just noticed that I put the word "blog" in quotes a lot, either on paper or with real, live, finger waggling air quotes. I won't apologize about it nor will I change it....yet. It's a reflection of how I feel about "blogging". Maybe when I become a real, live "blogger" I will do so. Until then, I guess this "blog" impostor will just keep finger waggling!!)
-ON WITH THE STORY!!
Let's see....Highlights of my day!
First, my good and forgiving friend came over for a play date ( I will get to the forgiving part soon enough).
I think play dates are my new thing! With this stinkin' economy stomping all over me and mine, Lord knows, my wallet could use a break from the constant and demanding "outings" that Landon and I take on a daily basis!
Bein' da hard wookin', slavin' muddas that we is, we spent da day playin' scrabble whilst the chillins played out yonda. (I know, can you BELIEVE we could attempt it, with that language?)
Now, mind you, I absolutely MUST play with a stimulant of choice (legal of course). That is the only way that my brain kicks on. (For some reason, the day I had Landon, any and all brain function ceased to exist.)
Now my friend ain't no dummy. She puts up a good fight! (she also has some wicked mind reading skill and knows just where to put her tiles to screw my game up!!) But I ain't done half bad either!!!! I swear....maybe, just maybe my medulla oblongata (don't think I spelled that one right, though. Oh well, spell check didn't get it either, so who's the dummy now?!) might be dusting itself off and turning on the juice again!
It's a nice feeling to discover I still have a brain in that cavern up there.
Well, long after they'd gone....
I was hanging around the house, paying bills and doing other housewifely things when I get a phone call at 6pm.
A flippin' reminder of the homeowners board meeting!!!-at 7p.m.!!!!
So, freak out, I did!
Landon had just woke up from his nap and he was a little grumpy (to be expected). I had no sitter. I wasn't prepared!
I needed to feed the kid, change, find a sitter, tell the kid that I wasn't going to be there that evening!!!! And all in about half hour..by the time I finally settled down enough to think straight.
Luckily my friend came to my rescue and took Landon for the evening.
So, I'm running around like an idiot, practically throwing dinner at him, telling him to eat another bite every two seconds- between trips from my closet to the kitchen to make sure he hadn't picked THAT EXACT MOMENT to choke on a tidbit of food, telling him to get shoes & coat on, does he have to potty?, Does he need a drink, etc.; Landon remained CALM!
I couldn't believe it. My baby boy, who normally has a toy finding emergency every time we leave the house, cooperated.
The best part is what happened when I picked him up this evening. I put him in the car.
Strapped him down.
I took his little face in my hands and stroked his little cheek and told him "thank you for being such a helpful and behaving boy tonight, I'm so proud of you and you made this evening go so much better!"
Do you know what my 3 year old said to me?
He took my face in his little hands, stroked my little cheek and said "thank you mommy, you did so good tonight, too. I'm so proud of you!" Then he gave me a wet, sloppy kiss.
It's moments like that, that really stick in your head.
I'm soooo glad that for once, I chose to encourage him to get off his hiney and get ready with positive language instead of the more negative verbiage that I normally use. (if you don't, then I'm gonna)
Hopefully, next time I will remember this lesson. And give my son credit, where credit is due.

Blessing #3

I'm really not a religious person. Don't get me wrong.... I'm not saying I'm atheist but I am agnostic or more appropriately ignorant of any higher power, at this point in my life.
Judge if you must. I'm o.k. with that.
My point is...when I say "blessing" I don't refer to any Higher power or think that he/she should receive credit for said blessing. Really, if there is a God, I don't think he would be concerned about whether or not I run today. Or if I've made friends in Texas. Or any such trivial thing that current religions seem to think that God is responsible for. If God exists, he's more concerned about war or famine, really a much larger scheme of things. (feel free to try to convince me otherwise. Sorry but I've had a few years to formulate questions and arguments for his existence without many answers)
But that is not where I was going tonight.
I've spent a couple of days coming to the conclusion that I've made real friends in Texas!
Yeah, that right! I've got "GIRLS" or "PEEPS"!
I'm not any good at making friends. Not the real kind that you tell your "deep, darkies" to.
I make ....acquaintances. People that you can laugh with, have a good time with. Not people that you can cry with or get trashed with (and wake up the next day and they still like you).
In Washington it took me YEARS!!! Literally YEARS to make the friends I have. (and ohhhh, how I miss my WA Peeps!)

Does saying things like "deets" and "peeps" make this Mom look like a wanna be....kid?

Again...I digress. Yes, I use that a lot, too.

What amazes me is that they ARE still around. Despite my insane behavior of late. :)
I must be a VERY LUCKY GIRL!!!!
You gals know who you are cause I probably spend hours texting, talking or hanging with you! You've seen me at my worst and ya just keep coming back!

Thanks for making Texas my new home. Thanks for making it easier to leave my old home. Thanks for just putting up with me!!! Luv Ya Lots!.......(OK, that WAS dorky!!! :)

Heeeere Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

I'm sitting here, on this cold and blustery Texas morning, trying to find motivation to go run. Have I mentioned that it's cold and blustery?

Yes, I do have a newish treadmill that is currently stationed upstairs is the warm and cozy playroom. That is besides the point.
So, now I'm using this blog for procrastination! :)

But I'm not going to talk about running...AGAIN!

Let's seee.....

Playing Mouse!

Oh, how I love to play mouse!
Need some explanation?

Mouse is the game I play when the cat is away!!!
In other words, when my husband has to travel for work and actually leaves the house in my ..."care". ( I use that term lightly)

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate all that he does. That bringer of bacon, to our household. (That's what we tell our son...Daddy's going to bring home the bacon) But it is SOOOOO nice to have a week or so, every now and then, all to myself. To leave messes where I want to. To have TV dinners, instead of real home cooked meals. To get the TV ALL to MYSELF! To go to bed and not listen to snoring all night. To sleep in if I feel like it. Instead of letting HIM sleep in.

In other words I get to be a lazy slob this week!!!! YAY!!! This is going to be a Really good Week!!

Don't get me wrong....Come Thursday or Friday I'll be bored or need something fixed and hoping he 's home soon.


.................Maybe?